Recognizing the Signs of True Love

Love. Amour. Amore. In popular fiction, the signs of true love tend toward the melodramatic: heart palpitations, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, blowing curtains, fireworks. If you feel these things, however, you're not so much in love as in lust. So lust aside, here's a sampling of the undeniable signs of true love — and good (emotional) health.

You're willing to explain why you don't want to date others
With all the nasty little diseases around, the idea of sleeping around is a lot less attractive than it used to be. The issue isn't a willingness to be exclusive. It's a willingness to talk about and explain being exclusive.

A surprisingly large number of men and women are surreptitiously monogamous, feeling that their willingness to forgo all others gives power to the partner. But when you're willing to admit that you're willing to share the power and admit your vulnerability (I really like you and hope you like me as much), not only are you in love, but you sound like a rational, fairly adult soul in the bargain.

You're willing to ditch the little black book
"I've burned my little black book!" This is a statement of not only exclusivity but plans for exclusivity, essentially saying that no one of your acquaintance holds a candle to your beloved. Your willingness to get rid of the book gives proof of that reality. Getting rid of the black book also says that you're unwilling to revisit past loves and that, in this relationship, there is no going back; you can only go forward.

No fair throwing the book into the fire but keeping the database on your trusty laptop. A commitment is a commitment, and this is as much about self as other. If you pretend to throw away your black book, then you're also pretending that you're committed.

Grow up: If you're old enough to be taken seriously by someone you like, you're old enough to take yourself seriously. Committed adult relationships don't have room for manipulative games.

You're willing to go somewhere you hate
The willingness to go someplace you actually hate with someone you actually love — and not be a pain in the neck about it — is one of the hallmarks of love.

When you first start to date, you're tempted to do whatever it takes to get the date off the ground because you're blinded by the possibilities. During the next phase of dating, you stand up for yourself and don't do the activity you hate.

This is a necessary evolution because if there is to be true love, it has to be based on who you are, not who you think your beginning-to-be-significant other will like. But once you actually get to love, your need to constantly assert yourself is softened by your beloved's influence and the sense that you can give because your love will reciprocate your generosity.

You don't need to keep track on a day-to-day basis to make sure everything is 50-50. But the sense that there is fairness and equality and appreciation and respect means that your reluctance to do something you're not crazy about gets overwhelmed by your desire to do something with the person you love. In other words, the person becomes more important than the event.

You're willing to save if you're a spend-thrift and spend if you're frugal
The point isn't really about money at all, but a willingness to examine fundamental beliefs as a direct result of valuing another person and his or her perspective and opinion. (Yeah, the same phenomenon can happen with friends, but because friends generally tolerate and celebrate differences, there's less motive or incentive for change.)

Any good relationship changes us. If being around your beloved makes you examine or change some fundamental part of yourself, it may not be love in and of itself, but it does indicate respect, a willingness to learn from another, and a relationship in which you feel safe enough to try something foreign and scary.

Forget about flattery or hypocrisy. Rather, you have the courage, strength, and energy to examine and experiment with a fundamental belief system, be it religion, politics, gun control, abortion, Chinese food, travel, having children, gardening, money, or any other position you used to consider inviolate.

(Money? you say. Yep. It's hard to think of any one commodity that is more basic than money. If you think money is just green stuff that just sits there, you're wrong; it can represent power, lifestyle, control, options, freedom, interaction, and a whole lot more.)

The idea of doing nothing together sounds terrific
In the early stages of dating, there is a hunger to discover who the other person is, but this time also feels scary because he or she may not be what you thought or — even worse — you may not be what they're looking for.

Even though the stakes aren't very high at the beginning, you might feel that they are, so you play at dating, and one of the easiest ways to play is to do something at all times — either publicly or privately. The dating ritual is about finding places to go and things to do.

Once a couple is sexual, the thing to do is sexual, and everything else seems just a holding action until the couple can hit the sheets. Then when the initial flurry of sexual activity is over, there is a tendency to want to show each other off because you're feeling connected and proud.

When the idea of doing nothing together is the coolest thing either of you can come up with, you're very likely in love, because you've gone through the other stages of terror, sex, and showing off.

Now, the relationship is just about the two of you, not to the exclusion of everyone or anything else. In fact, your "normal" life has expanded to include each other, but the idea of simply being together is the most wonderful thing either of you can figure out to do — even out of bed.

You're willing to risk being yourself
Being yourself is really the big enchilada. Everything else on the How-You-Know-You're-in-Love list hints at being yourself, but when you truly love someone, you want them to know who you are and love you for all that you are, not just for who you pretend to be. When you're in a truly loving relationship, you can be honest and direct and take chances.

The tricky part of being in love is that it can encourage you to be yourself but ups the ante that you might make someone whom you really want to stay change their mind and leave if you show the real you. You want your beloved to be happy now and forever, and the only way to do that is to be who you really are.

It's almost impossible to sustain an illusion over time, and because you are now truly in love, you wouldn't want to hurt your beloved by living a lie. But you also need to be a bit careful of what you confess. Remember that between honesty and duplicity is silence. If you're old enough to be in love, you're old enough to understand the occasional use of silence.


RELATED POST 12 Reasons Women Don't Date 'Nice Guys'

RELATED POST 5 Ways the Prosperity Gospel Is Hurting Africa

RELATED POST 3 Ways To Help You Fight Anger

RELATED POST Rekindling Romance with Communication

Rekindling Romance with Communication

One of the most widespread forms of miscommunication between men and women stems from the fact that too many people, especially men, equate sex with romance. They believe that if their sex life is adequate, then there's no need for anything beyond this one arena. Tied to this is the notion that romantic activity outside the bedroom is automatically a lead-in to sexual activity.

And by the way, this is a double-edged sword. Many people think of kissing and hugging as preludes to sex. As a result, when they aren't in the mood, they don't want to snuggle because they assume that it will lead to sex.

This can be true of both partners in a relationship where a pattern has been established that kissing and hugging lead to sex. So the first batch of people may avoid physical contact if it's not attached to sex, and the second group may avoid physical contact because they fear that it will lead to sex at the wrong time.

Either way, the partner who is looking for some physical contact that is not sex-related gets left hugging her knees.

Communication is vital in this arena. The partner who wants romantic touching has to explain that she would like some more physical contact that is not linked to sex. She has to explain to her partner that just the way a car needs oil to keep the engine running smoothly, she needs some hugs, kisses, and hand-holding in order to keep her spirits going.

The onus isn't all on men, however. Some women crave romance but purposefully shut down their libidos once they get their fix because they're a bit busy or preoccupied. They are satisfied by the hugs and kisses, but they don't consider what will satisfy their partners.

Although romantic interludes don't have to lead to sex, if they're heading in that direction, veering off the path every time is not a fair way to treat a man. If women allow themselves to become more aroused, they usually do enjoy having sex and have orgasms.

But sometimes they stuff themselves on the appetizer and then don't feel they have room for the main meal. Their partners, who require more sustenance, are left feeling frustrated. If this scenario occurs too often, then clearly the relationship can suffer.

Decoding confusing signals 

Another cause of confusion occurs when couples try to communicate with each other about which signs of physical affection will lead to sex and which won't. Two key facts need to be remembered: Men get aroused easily, and women can change their minds.

Even though a man may get aroused by some hugging and kissing and even have an erection, this doesn't mean that he'll start writhing on the ground or baying at the moon if he doesn't have sex. Men, particularly young men, get erections all day long and all night long as well (usually every 90 minutes during REM sleep).

After a few moments, these erections grab a cab and head downtown of their own accord, providing that the man isn't getting further stimulation. If he is being constantly stimulated, then his arousal will reach a point where it is difficult for him to just say no.

But the stimulation from a one-minute hug, providing that he and his partner are not in the nude and she keeps her hands above the belt, doesn't mean that the next step has to be a sexual encounter.

And a woman who was just looking for a hug may suddenly find that she is interested in sex, even though that was not on her mind beforehand. Women always claim the right to change their minds, and sometimes they're just too busy to realize that they were somewhat aroused.

When they take a breather in the arms of their man, they relax a bit and suddenly realize that there was more to their desire for a hug than just romance.

You may think that two people who are part of a long-standing couple should know enough about each other to be able to judge when they are going to have sex and when they're not, yet they often act like a couple on their first date — he's on first base wondering if he'll get to second.

What's the answer? Improved communication. You have to be able to share your sensitivities with your partner without hurting his or her feelings.

If a woman notices that her partner has an erection, she has to be able to tell him that she's not in the mood without him getting upset. And if she decides that she is in the mood and they do have sex, the next time they hug, he can't assume that it's going to happen again.

It's very easy for there to be crossed wires in this back-and-forth exchange, particularly if both people change their minds faster than an operator can plug in the connection.

Avoid setting fixed patterns. Each party needs to show flexibility. That means if sometimes she asks for a hug without thinking about sex, she will let herself be brought over to the bed and try to enjoy it. At other times, even if a particular kiss drags on a bit longer than usual, she can go off to finish the paper without feeling guilty and without him donning his hangdog face.

It also means that she should initiate sex from time to time, and he should initiate hugs. Good communication means a back-and-forth interaction. It means surprise. It means that your minds are engaged and that you're not acting out the same script over and over.

Improving conversational content

This seems like the appropriate place to delve into the content of your communications. If all you do is talk about such superficial matters as the weather, the children's science fair project, and what to defrost for dinner, then your relationship is going to be rather superficial as well.

That's not to say that you shouldn't talk about mundane subjects. A life is a bit like a business, and you need to deal with managerial matters. But conversations you have with your coworkers aren't likely to lead to sex.

You can spend hours at the water cooler bantering about sports, politics, and office gossip without ever probing any depths. If your conversations with your significant other are equally superficial, then what does that say about the state of your relationship?

Admittedly, some people who have partners still pour their hearts out to their coworkers.

Sometimes they've found someone who is simpatico and doesn't mind being a good listener. Or they've found a busybody who likes peering into other people's private lives. And sometimes the other person is bored to tears. But if the talker is baring his or her soul at the office and clams up at home, that's not a good omen.

Meaningful communications don't have to only be about personal crises. Endless talk of problems will turn off a partner, no matter how sympathetic he or she is. Rather, what is "meaningful" is what stimulates the intellect. For example, say you watch the news and the Supreme Court has ruled for or against some case.

Talking about the pros and cons of that decision should be equally interesting to both parties. You shouldn't be so polarized that such a conversation creates an automatic fight. If that's the case, then put those topics off limits. But there should be areas of discussion that allow you to learn more about your partner as you exchange ideas.

Google, Microsoft move to block child porn

More than 200 employees at Google have spent the past three months working on preventing child sexual abuse content from appearing in the firm's search results.

"While society will never wholly eliminate such depravity, we should do everything in our power to protect children from harm," Google's executive chairman, Eric Schmidt, wrote in an article published by The Daily Mail.

Schmidt detailed how the two tech giants were using new technology to take down many images and videos of child porn from the web.

Using Microsoft (MSFT, Fortune 500) picture detection technology, a unique identification mark is applied to such content, and then all copies are immediately removed from the web.

Google has also cleaned up the search results for over 100,000 web queries that were known to lead to child porn-related results.

"We will soon roll out these changes in more than 150 languages, so the impact will be truly global," said Schmidt.

Another 13,000 search queries that are related to child porn will lead web users to online warnings saying that child sexual abuse is illegal, while offering advice on where to get help.

The move comes a week after the arrest of 348 people around the world who were connected to an international child sex abuse investigation. Of the people arrested, there were 40 teachers, six law enforcement personnel, nine pastors or priests and some doctors and nurses.

Microsoft said the companies were working with experts in the field to track the latest terms that pedophiles may be using online, and then cutting off access to any sort of child pornography.

The initiative was completed in cooperation with various industry and government organizations, including the Internet Watch Foundation and the U.K. government.

Last week, Microsoft also opened a new cybercrime center at its campus in Redmond, Washington.

International Friendly: Italy 2 Nigeria 2

Shola Ameobi scored one goal and set up another as Nigeria held Italy to a surprise 2-2 draw on Monday.

Stephen Keshi's men headed into the game having clinched their place at next year's FIFA World Cup with a play-off win over Ethiopia on Saturday.

And the African nation carried that momentum into the friendly clash at Craven Cottage, producing a determined performance against the four-time World Cup winners.

Italy were on top for much of the encounter and took the lead early on thanks to Giuseppe Rossi.

Nigeria launched a superb fightback, though, Ameobi setting up Bright Dike for the equaliser before giving his side the advantage with a fine improvised volley.

Cesare Prandelli's side did level through Emanuele Giaccherini, but there were to be no further goals despite numerous opportunities for both teams.

Paris Saint-Germain goalkeeper Salvatore Sirigu replaced Gianluigi Buffon in goal for Italy, while Fiorentina striker Rossi was included up front as Prandelli made eight changes to the side that drew 1-1 with Germany on Friday.

Newcastle United forward Ameobi was among those recalled to Nigeria's line-up.

Nigeria had the better of the opening exchanges, but it was Italy who took the lead 12 minutes in, Rossi converting with a delicate finish following great hold-up play from Mario Balotelli.

Sirigu producing a strong save to prevent Ogenyi Onazi's long-range effort from finding the net as Nigeria sought an immediate reply.

Italy dominated for the majority of the half, though, and had opportunities to double their lead, Milan duo Ricardo Montolivo and Balotelli both spurning clear chances.

Despite Italy's dominance, Nigeria levelled things up 10 minutes before half-time when Dike rose highest to head home Ameobi's superb cross.

There was a further shock for Italy five minutes later as Ameobi cleverly converted Francis Benjamin's near-post delivery to give his side an unlikely lead.

Balotelli came close to a stunning equaliser as half-time approached, controlling a deflected high cross in audacious fashion before testing Augustine Ejide with a vicious volley.

Nigeria's lead lasted only two minutes into the second half, Giaccherini slotting under Ejide after Rossi had linked up with Antonio Candreva.

Substitute Marco Parolo twice had the chance to put Italy in front for a second time, blasting over from point-blank range after substitute goalkeeper Victor Enyeama had pulled off a fine stop from an Andrea Pirlo free-kick, and then seeing a deflected effort strike the post.

Balotelli and Nigeria substitute Emmanuel Emenike each squandered clear openings in the closing stages, but neither side could find a winner.

The closing stages provided particularly frantic fare as play switched from end to end, much to the delight of those in attendance.


RELATED POST: Italy vs Nigeria: Match Previews, Lineups

RELATED POST: What Next For Our World Conquering Golden Eaglets??

RELATED POST: Nigeria 2-0 Ethiopia (Agg 4-1): Moses & Obinna send Super Eagles to World Cup

Italy vs Nigeria: Match Previews, Lineups

Italy vs Nigeria, November 19, 2013 Craven Cottage, London

Nigeria will be looking to take over Italy and celebrate on being the first African team to qualify for the FIFA World Cup 2014 on Monday.

The two sides will line up against each other in an international friendly in London and the Eagles side will look forward to deliver their best after sealing the spot for Brazil at Craven Cottage, home to the Premier League Fulham side.

Goals from Victor Moses and Victor Obinna helped the Nigerian side ensure their position in five out of their six attempts.

Godfrey Oboabona was injured on the second half and might be a doubt for the trip to London.

Impressive Italia side are one of the strongest side in the World Cup as they qualified with an unbeaten record in their 10 game run with six wins and four draws in the Group B.

Italy were help in a 1-1 draw against Germany in the San Siro stadium on Friday with goals from Mats Hummel for Germany in the first half which was equalized by Ignazio Abate to maintain their dominance over Germany since 1995.

Andrea Barzagli is set to be sidelined with a thigh injury and has made a return to his club back.

Recent Form:

Italy: WWDDD

Nigeria: WWWLW

Probable lineups:

Italy: Sirigu – Maggio, Bonucci, Ogbonna, Pasqual – Candreva, De Rossi, Montolivo, Florenzi – Balotelli, Rossi

Nigeria: Enyeama – Omeruo, Ambrose, Oboabona, Elderson – Mikel, Onazi – Musa, Ideye, Moses – Emenike 

PHOTOS: Psquare’s Peter Okoye Weds Lola Omotayo

Nigerian born Togolese international, Footballer Emmanuel Adebayor, was in Lagos for Peter Okoye’s wedding (pictured above with Emmanuel and prominent artistes in the entertainment industry.

Wow! They tied the knot finally. Congrats to the them.

What Next For Our World Conquering Golden Eaglets??

The world witnessed a playing style exhibited by our own U-17 boys team at the recently concluded FIFA event that has not been seen since the inception of the competition at that level.
They were compact, free flowing, attacking and defending as one unit. The team was flawless and a marvel to everyone that watched them including the FIFA officials.

How can such a beautiful product come from Nigeria? A country that has been known not to get anything right because of pervasive corruption, ethnicity and crass disdain for the national patrimony. How come the boys were so disciplined, organised and goal oriented. For once, the nation got it right: from the conception, planning and execution, everything was done properly.

Our understanding was that from the beginning, it was made clear that there will be no short cut route. Only those within the approved age bracket were allowed to pass through the screening. More noticeable was the fact that, no player that has featured in our professional league competition was allowed to take part. Majority of them were picked from academies and schools sport competitions.

Principally – and this we must note- the players were picked based on their individual performance: no quota system was involved in the selections. If you are good, you are in. So we find  a mixture of Christians, Muslims and traditionalists. Southerners and Northerners, all properly bonded in love towards the common goal.

There was an uncommon determination by every individual to make his own contribution to the whole. Where or when one makes a mistake, another puts himself on the way to salvage the situation. Such was the bonding that, they all looked like children of the same parents, it is indeed worthy of commendation.

We must appreciate everyone  responsible for bringing this to pass. The officials of all kinds: coaches, NFA and importantly, the government of Cross-River state which provided an enabling environment and facilities for their training and camping.

What is the over all implication of the Eaglets victory? It is basically that, there is no height we cannot attain as Nigerians if we are ready to allow merit to reign in our selection of representatives.

We must also note the calibre of coaches on the Eaglets bench, such ex-internationals like Manu Garba, Nduka Ugbade and Emmanuel Amuneke who have distinguished themselves in past age grade competitions. So let us allow professionalism to thrive in our national endeavours and it won’t take time for the world to take notice of this country.

Nigeria is a sleeping giant, it requires the right calibre of leadership and professionals to stir it from its sleeping position. Our roads can be made to be smooth and free flowing if our FERMA officials assigned to road supervision will do their job properly by using budgeted funds to fix road patches instead of conniving with contractors or diverting monies into private pockets.

Power will flow when the present owners chose to do the job professionally, by first, treating the consumers as their customers.

Modern marketing management requires that the consumer or customer is factored first in all the planning of the corporation, so if they choose to add correct value that will be in line with consumers demands, the people will respond by paying their bills promptly, even if the consumption cost goes up.

It is therefore imperative for the new owners of the defunct PHCN to first think of how they can provide efficient services to the consumers. They should not be in a hurry to jerk up prices, at least, in the next six months.

How wonderful will it be if our politicians will for once, allow true democracy to take place in line with the people’s wish, if all the political parties- I mean all – will allow true representations in all stages of their structure, the unnecessary bickering and heating of the polity will become a thing of the past. Let the people’s voice be heard through their legitimate representatives.

The lessons of our Eaglets victory are innumerable and can be extended to almost all aspects of our national life: discipline,co-operation, hard work, merit and goal attainment. If only the country can truly unite as one, with each region bringing in its own area of comparative advantage to the centre without any form of animosity.

If only we can appoint people – competent graduates employment without recourse to their state of origin, religion or tribe. It is possible – the Eaglets victory has proved that – It is now left for those in positions of authority to put proper structures in place.

And talking about structures, I mean structures of merit. The officials of the team have laid foundation for the next generation to build upon. It is a matter of replicating the paths used by their predecessors. Let merit determine selection in all aspect of our national life.

This brings us to the question of what happens to the all conquering Eaglets? Some have said that they should be kept intact and be made to graduate together to the senior levels. This will not be possible as some of them will soon be pursuing their individual interests.

Some will opt to further their education instead of a profession in soccer, others may lose form and not be able to keep pace up to the senior level. I tend to agree with the position of my brother and friend here, Richard Okotie, that no successful under-aged team has succeeded in taking all its members to the senior level wholesale all over the world- whether in Brazil, Germany, Spain, et al. Along the line, some of them do not measure up to standard at the senior level.

So what is to be done? When a method has been tried and tested with good result, it is important that we master and retain it.

The Spanish, German and Brazilians have done it consistently through the years. Let merit be our basic guideline for selection and also, the sports authorities must be ready to provide all the support for such endeavours to thrive at all times. Do this for all categories of our national teams, including the ladies and we shall be recording repeated successes.

Next is to identify those amongst them with the potentials to go further in their footballing pursuit. Give them the necessary follow-up support, like a thorough scrutiny of their contract papers with clubs and linkages to coaches and institutions that will properly supervise their blossoming.

In all, the growth of the players in the profession should be paramount and not the selfish interest or greed of agents who abound everywhere, always on the prowl  to take advantage. Identify such players in the group now and begin to groom them for future successes. That is how it is done in the advanced world.